I am grateful for: my three dogs; my lovely great-grandmother cat and her orange daughter; a very funny movie tonight.

I'm so very tired, but I don't want to fall further behind, even if I'm not catching up. I don't know what I will manage to write.

Friday I had a trying scene with D2. She was critical and complaining and generally miserable to be with and around - upsetting her siblings and generally harsh. Finally I said something to her, something not really harsh, but unyielding, and she started to cry. So, long tearful scene in the car. If anyone has a right to complain about me not being good enough it is D2, but she has no right to take it out on her siblings or spread her misery around like that.

Saturday I was dead, dead, dead, dead. Tired. It was a difficult day that almost became a crisis when TH backslid into some of his worst behaviour. Nothing physically abusive, but soul-crushing. I've been at this long enough that I wasn't crushed, just angry. But tired and angry, I didn't know what to do with it, and I still don't. His behaviour was completely unacceptable.

Sunday he went to work, which was a relief. He'd driven D2 to the train station Saturday night, so that left me with people who weren't grinding any axes, really. It was a pretty good day. If I hadn't been so worn down by the previous two days, it don't think it could have been much better. Schoolwork with the kids, studying Hebrew, cleaning and organizing things. My room is rearranged and SO much better! There is floor space, and if a dragon hasn't room to swing her tail, that's more to do with the size of Israeli rooms in general than anything I can fix. All I have in here is a closet, a desk, a bed and a (small) bookcase. Well, now I have some clear floor, and room to move. MUCH better.

Monday, today, was another difficult day. With TH home but not adding to the general sense of peace and serenity in the house. He got plaster dust on my bed, and said he would change the sheets before I went to sleep. Guess what? So, do I sleep on the plaster dust? Try to sleep sitting up in my chair, or not sleep at all? Enquiring minds want to know. He said he would bind a book for me and suddenly discovers he can't glue it (I've been trying to get this book done for what, a week?). He was being kinda dick-headed all the way 'round.

D3 had her time at the ranch, cleaning out horses stalls and a riding lesson, so TH was out of the house for that. Otherwise he was just an obstacle.

We went out tonight to see Zohan. I can't remember the title, 'you don't mess with Zohan'? Something like that. The new Adam Sandler movie. It was surprizingly funny. It was funnier than it should have been. No, really. There was humour for Americans, which we enjoyed a lot, and humour for Israelis, in which we were joined by much of the audience. It was really obvious when something that had me laughing out loud was completely lost on Israelis, and some of the Israeli humour I imagine would fall flat in American theatres. There were a few things that bothered me. Nothing worth going into here. It was generally an up picture, and I would recommend it. I haven't usually liked Adam Sandler movies, either. What I can say is it doesn't stand up to being analyzed well. Enjoy the movie and then forget about it is what I would say.

On the drive home, we had (TH and I) another of those fights we have, which are utterly inconclusive and (I can't speak for him) leave me feeling like a piece of royal shit. I dunno, it had it's roots in his behaviour Saturday night, but I didn't leave it at that, and kind of vented at him way beyond what might have been thought necessary. Except, I couldn't stop so I guess I needed to say it. I know I left out a bunch of stuff, like D1's birthday, which was Saturday, and way too many emotional phone calls over the weekend, and D2's trip to the school she intends to go to for Chinese medicine starting in the fall (the school term starts in November. How about that?). I'm tired, drained emotionally and physically, wondering (yet again) why my husband can't ever be loving, and - why is he so selfish?

I need to just turn off my brain and turn off the light and get some sleep or rest at least. Hashem willing. The heat is SO miserable. At least three more months of living in a hotbox. Broke. But I do have the salon organized now as well. It's progress.

Good night.

I'm listening to: The washer and dryer running on the other side of my wall.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06