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Honey is Sweet The Band Plays On - 2008-12-30 I am grateful, for: my wonderful family, six children I couldn't ever be good enough to deserve, a husband who works on himself, and how rare is that?, and a sister who somehow became my best friend after years of hatred and sibling warfare - not to mention my two beautiful grandchildren that I don't get to see; a large house with a central location large enough for the children and a couple of dogs; games, puzzles, toys, books, television programs, movies, computer games, dogs, cats, fish, llamas, ducks, geese, turkeys, musical instruments, singing, dancing, noses that run and feet that smell, and everything else that makes life worth living. I don't really feel like writing. I feel a sort of obligation. Friends of mine who check here to see if I am all right, if I don't write, then what will they think? What I am is tired. Twice tonight we've had to get S3 out of bed because of the bombs. That doesn't include all the bombs that we hear but aren't headed directly our way. It's been a loud and a thunderous day. Evening? TH and I went into Netivot, we had to to pick up things that were needed in the house. We spent HUGE amounts of money, buying treats and stuff, but, it's a war. We may not be able to get back to the stores any time soon, and we need to have things in the house that aren't just functional. Mostly we buy healthy treats, so we bought pistachio nuts (you Don't want to know what they cost here) and cashews. We got extra peanut butter and butter, and juice (orange, apple, and pomegranate/raspberry, we got chocolate milk in addition to our usual six bags of regular whole milk. I don't know if anyone else lives somewhere that milk is sold in one litre plastic bags? We bought other needed supplies: bandages and bandage tape (not because of the rockets, but because my family can run through a box of a hundred bandaid style bandages in a couple of weeks), and dog bones. We checked the mail when we got home, then went to visit a young couple on the moshav, just because. I never get to visit people, because usually if I get out of the house it's to go to the dr. or go grocery shopping and I'm too exhausted to do anything else. It was nice to visit, we stayed about half an hour, played with the kids (three terribly cute children, about 1, 3 and 5). We worry about them a bit - they haven't got a working beeper like we have. They have one, it just doesn't seem to work. And they are in a small house like our cottage. They get the kids to sit in the bathroom during alerts, because that's where there is the greatest number of walls between the kids and Gaza. We came back home, I didn't think it would be a good idea to stay out too late, with the kids home without us during the attacks, although the moshav was pretty quiet while we were visiting. Barukh Hashem! We got back home, and TH and I retired to my room to eat and talk and play a game. We ended up going on line and ordering some game stuff - Cosmic Wimpout dice and a cribbage board and extra pegs, that sort of thing. Good to have around the house generally and somewhat uplifting with all of the bad news. So, you know the difference between us and them? We target military installations, and bomb factories, and feel badly when some of their civilians are killed. They target the civilian population and cheer and celebrate and hold parties when an 18mo old, or an 80-year-old man are killed. Hamas admitted that, openly, and that they had knowingly brought this war on themselves, refusing every opportunity for a peaceful continuation of the 'calm' if not an actual peace settlement, because it is their stated goal - the destruction of the state of Israel, and the death of as many Jews as they can kill. I wanted to clip the article in which the Hamas leader is quoted, but Hashem had other plans. Really, I was just too tired to keep the window open and try and remember it for later (this was several hours ago), and while it felt important, it didn't feel THAT important. It's probably not. I'm feeling frustrated and angry and, yes, a little bit scared, and it makes me that much more shrill when talking about the unfairness of it all - not the unfairness of this war, or that we are targeted or anything like that - the unfairness of the media, the world, the U.N. and all that stuff. Well, F**K TH*M!!! I am not going to lose my serenity, what little peace and serenity I have, because of that s**t. So there. That was another loud boom just now. I'm starting to not care about booms that aren't directly related to tzeva adom warnings. Not that I don't care, but I have to worry about us and put aside mourning for others until this is either resolved, or some other ending comes about. I don't want to talk about the dead and wounded here. I can't bring myself, haven't the strength to even think about dead and wounded elsewhere right now. I want my 9yo son to be able to spend the night in his bed, without huddling in the safest part of the house because someone is lobbing bombs at us. I think that is perfectly reasonable. I want our soldiers to be able to stand inside our borders and defend our country without having to take the battle to them because they tunnel into our country and kidnap our boys, and torture and kill them, and keep throwing bombs at us and sending suicide bombers, and are winning the propaganda war so that even if we manage to win militarily, we lose. I want to be able to say my prayers at night, including a short list for those sick and injured friends and people for whom I've gotten prayer requests, instead of having to ask for Him to just take care of everyone who is hurting 'cause the list is too long, and I already can't remember the names of those from two nights ago because there are so many new ones. I want, I want, I want, .... It's not what I want. It's what I don't want. I don't want to write here because it reminds me, and that reminder hurts. I want to read my Spider Robinson book, play a few computer games, and NOT THINK, even when the tzeva adom goes off, just act and then get back to doing all the little things that are what matter right now. Reading a book to S3, perking up the house; making little treats (I WILL make fondue tomorrow, I WILL), playing with the dogs, watching Addams Family episodes on dvd on our silly large screen television. I bought into the idea (I was raised in a liberal, intellectual, extremely educated family) that those are lightweight and unimportant, and all those other Deep Meaningful things are what matter. Well the bombs are falling on us and that is BullShit! The Deep Meaningful shit is what is supposed to keep you pointed straight when you haven't got something real to focus your attention on what is really important. Gah, I'm tired of this, and i hate this. I just want you to know, those of my friends who check on me here, that if I don't come back to write anymore it is not because I am not okay (or maybe it is?), but because i just can't face this stupid white box, and all the thought that is behind it. I don't know. I just don't know. I am listening to John Lee Hooker: Boom Boom 0 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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