I'm grateful for: three cribbage games on shabbos; whatever the acupuncturist does, it is working; finding a bit more space in my life through accomplishing some of the tasks stacked up around me.

I stayed up really late (it's after 2:30am) because I wanted to write a 'real' diary entry - but now I'm just falling over tired. I don't know where to start and what to write anyway. I've been run off my legs. It's been almost all good. I haven't had time for almost any of my usual online pursuits.

I've been doing schoolwork with my kids, playing with Kitten, working on stuff with TH, talking with FB and RS and various friends and other homeschooling moms.

S2 is as ready as we can possibly get him before going off to the soldiers' house in Be'er Sheva Tuesday morning. Eek! We had a full house for shabbos, D2 was here as well as David, friend of S3 and formerly homeschooled kid (and former MAJOR behaviour problem - we didn't hear or see either of them for the whole visit this time).

I've rearranged furniture and made the house more liveable. Taken S2 to a couple of new-to-him used book stores, and gone to Tel Aviv for more acupuncture. I am hoping to actually get enough sleep tonight (by sleeping in late tomorrow - *sigh*) and resting up tomorrow so I am able to go with S2 on Tuesday. We can sit with him, at least while he's waiting for the bus (to take him to another base), and he's said he wants that.

Once S2 is off, then life opens up. I won't have all the stress and preparations, and there will be one less body in our over-crowded home. Truth is, the house is more over-crowded with 'stuff' than with people, but along with S2 going off to the army, a lot of his stuff gets packed off. I am going to miss him beyond what I can possibly say. Not only because he's been a huge presence - doing the laundry, fetching and carrying and taking care of all sorts of things for my crippled self - but also because in some ways he is like a soul-mate. When he's not here, I feel the hole. I want to share things with him I find online or I am reading. I know he will appreciate whatever new music I've found or little accomplishments I have to show. Not only because he is a middle child, but also because we really do have very similar tastes, likes and preferences. We understand each other.

I could never, ever claim to understand D1, D2 or S1. Not in a million years, except through a glass darkly. The see and think and react differently. Nothing that makes me love them any less. I certainly wouldn't say I love S2 more than any of the other children. But - I'd rather play a game with him. There's no way to explain how much fun we have reading aloud to each other. We all read aloud to and with each other (even D2, although with her it's more difficult). *sigh*

I am really glad he is going off and doing the next right thing in his life. I am glad he is a grown up, and I am very grateful I am not someone who would even dream of holding him back for my own comfort. I want him to go off and find a best friend who is not his mother, to do guy stuff and become a man in the company of a whole bunch of other 18yo wannabe engineers.

I'm just gonna miss him like nothing and no one else in my life.

He'll be able to come home on leave for a shabbos in just a few weeks. He'll come home, throw his dirty laundry at me, maybe manage a shower and then fall asleep. I've seen this before. Then as soon as shabbos is over, he'll have to throw himself out the door because there is no where he can be stationed he can get to in a reasonable amount of time. One of the disadvantages of living in the middle of nowhere.

I haven't much else to say besides that I guess. I am looking forward to having a smidge more free time, and a little bit more money in the budget. Hoping that will translate into even more progress on making the houses liveable and my life more the way I would like it to be.

I've been feeling kind of lonely again. The kind of lonely that comes of spending a lot of time with people who are friendly, but not friends. Must try to make time to spend some quality time with a friend or two. As soon as S2 is off. Really.

I'm listening to Arrested Development: Mr. Wendal (Instrumental)

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06