I'm grateful for a bit of perspective; someone to give me trustworthy feedback; an air conditioner on an otherwise hellish day.

Morning brings a bit of perspective and an amazing email from MMF. She is - I don't know. I want to say completely off her nut. Whatever she was listening to last night it wasn't what I was saying. More than that, she repeated like four times that I had SLAMMED the phone down and that she wouldn't tolerate that.

Well. I have a modern phone just like anybody else. There is no way to slam the phone down. To hang up, I push the red button. The same if I'm angry, the same if I'm happy, or tired. I push the red button, there is NO WAY to 'slam' the phone.

So, left with the apparent insanity. And I wasn't kidding when I said she repeated it four times, with more firmness and complaint each time. It makes up the bulk of the email, more than half. And since she also complains at length about my thinking I'm 'all powerful' and that I seem to think it's my job to 'straighten' people out, that gives some idea of the amount of text she devoted to this supposed slam.

So what to do? She says she won't call until I call, 'ready to talk' which she defines as basically promising not to be rude and not to 'slam' the phone down. Well how can I possibly promise not to do what I haven't done and yet she thinks I have? I have no control over when or whether she decides I was 'rude' or that hanging up is a 'slam.'

It hurts my head.

I wrote a response, in which I tell her that I don't know what she's talking about. I tell her quite factually that it is impossible for me to 'slam' down the phone. I tell her repeatedly, and that I am unable to ensure that she won't experience again something that I was not responsible for her experiencing in the first place.

Anyone else, except possibly RS, who presented me with this much apparent insanity and with unreasonable demands I would just blow off. But - I've known her for decades. We've been through the wars together ('the wars' in this case refers to early incest recovery, and also learning to live with disability). She's had my back when there was no one else. I've continued to come back when just about everyone else in her life eventually leaves (or abuses her). We've worked through some pretty crazy shit over time.

So I guess I'm just going to go ahead and sent my response. It is as calm and as measured and as clear as I can manage. That may not be terribly calm or clear or measured, but I've done my best. I've shared it with someone else so I'm not just relying on my own judgment and perceptions here.

I didn't get enough sleep again. I'm in my room doing Hebrew with S3 while typing this. Yes, not paying him full attention, but at least I'm getting things done that matter to me.

My guts are really upset, but hey, who's suprized about that? Dashing off to the bathroom for the third time. Is that anything like going down for the third time? That's just silly.

I'm listening to S3 chattering about his Hebrew script.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06