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Honey is Sweet A lovely morning - 2006-07-17 I'm grateful for: being up in the morning; a quiet house; a day with nothing planned Good morning, it's morning! I don't know why I'm awake so early, I didn't get to sleep particularly early - or early at all, it was after midnight at least. Still, I enjoy being up in the early morning, it is a lovely time of day. Yesterday in a sudden turn, Neil left the country. He's presumably in Istanbul now, and will be returning on Tuesday. That is his way of dealing with the visa situation. By leaving the country and returning, he gets a new visa without having to deal with the beit din or misrad hapnim. And he gets a vacation into the bargain. I hope he is enjoying himself. It threw our entire day out of whack. Instead of meeting with mati (pronounced mah-ti) about our projected plans for moving to the north and opening a family business, we raced around getting e-tickets printed and stuff packed to get Neil to the airport by his required three hours before take-off. Doesn't that seem excessive? In any event, Neil made his flight with plenty of time to spare and we drove home, stopping to pay for Simcha's bicycle on the way. Simcha is absolutely delighted with her bicycle by the way, a very early birthday present. She's outgrown her old bike, and was borrowing Zechy's for occasional rides which really wasn't working out. The only thing left to buy that is out of the ordinary this month is to get Hans a hockey stick. Next month is both Neil's and Zechy's birthdays. Having family is expensive, you know? Supper was catch-as-catch-can, I sat up playing games on the computer, too dead to do anything else. I'm covered with an all new selection of buy bites. *sigh* John, of course, never actually talked to the pharmacist about insect repellants. The bleeding isn't any better, and he hasn't made an appointment with a gyn either. By the time I finally get to see the gyn I'll have stopped bleeding, and he won't see anything wrong, they never do. I want to go back up north and see the one gyn I've ever met who actually saw how heavily I bleed, and wanted to do something about it... Maybe after John gets a new job, we find someplace up north to live, and they stop firing missiles at us... *sigh* In Hashem's time, whatever it is, but I am really living in hell here and I'm tired of seeing no way out besides leaving for good. I am not ready for that drastic a step. Last night was quiet. It's a bit premature at least to claim that it was quiet because of Neil being gone, but it was a calm, easy evening. Here's hoping for another such tonight. Right now I'm here with the kids, John and Havva are at work and with Neil gone I'm the only responsible adult here. It's not too bad. Zechy is a fantastic help, and Simcha is good with Eliyahu if I need the help in a pinch. And we have nothing in particular we have to do today. My favourite kind of a day. We need more of them. Eliyahu is sound asleep and curled up next to my giant stuffed panda, looking as cute as anything. I just want to live someplace we are not really unhappy to be at. Hashem? Please? Last night the whole country from Tel Aviv north was on alert. We were promised a one minute warning of a missile attack (I haven't checked the news to see if anything happened last night, yet). It's really not a nice thing to know that we have no safe room, no way to create a safe room, no place to go here. On the other hand (there is always another hand) living in the shtochim is the safest place in that they are never going to aim rockets here - they will aim for pre-1967 Israel. Inside the green line. So, as long as they actually are able to send the rockets where they want... Which is something they seem to be better at in the north than the south. I don't think this is going to be a quick war. I hope I'm wrong, but, it's lasted what? Sixty years already. Seems like. The only other thing of note is that Megret phoned last night. I called her back (she called while we were on our way home from the airport) and we chatted for a bit if you can call it that. I don't know if she is lying, really sick, or gone completely round the twist. Still, I could listen and sympathize and that's about all. Then I got off the phone for supper, and when I called her back it was an entirely different thing. She was, I don't know, maybe it was a different person in her body, maybe it was because Ed (her husband) was there and she was being all defensive as a result, but it was so very NOT pleasant being on the phone with her. And that is compared to the earlier conversation in which she couldn't finish a sentence and, well, it was bad. Double-plus unfortunately I talked a bit about the situation here. Bad move on my part. She doesn't hear/understand/take in what I am saying, but gleans enough to get an entirely wrong impression - or to twist what I say into whatever impression suits her at the moment, or something like that. She contradicts herself, and asks impossible questions, and makes it just not worthwhile to try and have a conversation. I regretted getting off on it at all, and tried to return the conversation to her and her problems, but somehow instead I got a running monologue (from my end) of her talking to Ed, and asking him questions and waiting for him to answer, and fretting about her supper, (actually lunch I assume) and so on. I got off the phone as soon as she had food, and felt bad about it. I want to be a good friend and a good listener, and I worry that I am letting her down. At the same time, I can only do what I can do, and if she expects more than that of me, well, it's just not going to happen. It's all very painful. For both of us, I imagine. I want to get up and start my day - getting dressed, going downstairs - but I don't want to leave Eliyahu to wake up alone. I guess I'll try and say some morning prayers as a next thing. It is a lovely morning. I'm listening to all the various birdcalls 0 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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