I'm grateful for: not losing it; a light, hopefully at the end of the tunnel, and not an oncoming train; the blessing of being of use

I haven't had time to read anyone today - life has finally gotten far enough away from me that I am just without a clue. Spiritually a very good place to be, but in terms of my comfort level ... not so much fun.

Too much has happened in too short a space of time. Most important - or at least first in terms of time - is that tomorrow I am finally going to the dr. for the second opinion. Scary, and I'm not looking forward to it.

That has become much more important than it was a couple of hours ago because John got a phone call from a headhunter - about the job that wasn't quite offered to him a month ago - wanting John to pick a start date. Pretty serious. How can John pick a start date when he doesn't know when/if I might have to go in for surgery? And although we know how long I can expect to be in hospital, we have no idea how long it will take to schedule the operation, or how long afterward until I am functioning like a normal human being. Or at least a normal human being who happens to have M.S. and a hypo-active thyroid and severe anemia.

So John gave the guy a start date of September 30, saying that whatever happens we can hope to be functioning reasonably well by that time. And that we would know more tomorrow. My husband the optimist. We will only know more tomorrow if the dr. sees fit to tell us anything tomorrow, and s/he might insist on waiting for some results, or someone else to look at the results, or make us wait until we can see my personal gyn, and so on.

Wednesday is Neil's birthday, but he won't be here, so we're hoping to pull together a surprize party for him on Thursday. Which is also when we all go to the dentist, and I finally get my crown (I hope), John gets something almost finished, and Neil presumably starts his odyssey of dental work. Getting caught up after a few years not going to the dentist. Whee, fun! I'm glad I'm at the end of that for me.

I believe there is nothing else urgent or pending then until Zechy's birthday on the 29th, but don't count on it. Undoubtedly things will come up to make our lives that much more busy, difficult, and stressful. Life is like that.

I just realized today that given the amount of stress that I, myself, have been under, this is the first time I have gone through a period like this and not completely lost it at some point. I've just managed to keep hold, however tenuously, that Hashem will make it all work out, and put one foot in front of the other. Yeah, the last day got hairy, but that's as bad as it got. Pretty amazing, for me.

Eliyahu is asleep next to me, and I should be sleeping too. Leaving the house in eight hours, and I need to have breakfast and all that so another short night on sleep.

Hans got a phone call from the army that he is out of the driving program. It's good for him getting released, but of course all changes are a little fearful since we really don't know what is going on.

Havva was home today, she worked overnight and came home around ten - then couldn't sleep so we got to enjoy her company during the day. I watched ConAir with her, while knitting and folding some towels. I don't think I accomplished much else today. But it's what I could do. No complaints.

I am wondering - while John is gone in the U.S. - assuming he goes to the U.S. - will I be stuck here in Ginot Shomron for the whole time? Will I be able to find us a new home, and if I can, then arrange to have us moved into it? It's all pretty scary. Scary.

That's life. Scary and fun. Sometimes the scary made it so fun wasn't really possible. Sometimes I'm having so much fun I forget to be scared. Whatever way it works. And we have a new iron. And new movies. And all is well, even with Maxine's family, their dog, and Benjamin shoehorned in here.

Daniel, or Daniel and Alina stopped by to borrow The Frisco Kid on videocassette. I hope they were able to watch it. Such a fun movie. They haven't been very friendly toward us. I'm just observing. So, I hope they continue to be happy here. We will be happy to leave. Soon, I hope?

John heard of a new place in the northern Shomron which has opened up and is asking for religious people to move in. It is a mostly secular yeshuv, so it could be just right for us. But expensive! Our one friend that we know is moving there is building a new house there for US$200,000. If we had that kind of money...

I wonder how she does it? It's not like she has any money, either.

And so it goes. Megret phoned and left a message sounding really insane. I don't know what she's been listening to, but she is again convinced that I am in deadly danger and any time I don't answer the phone it's because I am dead. I have chosen not to phone her back and reassure her yet. Not because I don't care, but right now I have enough on my plate. Spending the time and energy in phone conversation with her is just something I can't afford today. Besides, in another week, she'll be phoning me with the same or different worries, and wanting to be reassured again. I guess right now I'm a little tired of it.

Tired. Oh, yes. I must go to sleep. Funny how I forget that. Yup, and I'm covered with bug bites again, too. Lovely.

I'm listening to some kind of roar - of a motor? or the compressor of a huge central air conditioning system? I dunno. But it fills my ears and i don't like it.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06