I'm grateful for: Benjamin (a clean kitchen! for a few minutes, anyway); being able to see that I am doing better; what sleep I can get

I'm terrible at keeping up any kind of dialogue, or conversation. Lately I don't write letters, either. I hope everyone who reads here understands and isn't offended/hurt that I don't respond. You could say I've given up on trying, but it's not true - it only looks that way. *wry grimace* Every now and again I do manage to write something to someone. But mostly, not.

Today was actually a pretty good day, for all I didn't get close to eight hours sleep. No fault of anyone's I couldn't fall asleep last night, and then woke up around ten am. At least I didn't sleep the whole day away, which I have to consider a plus.

I didn't have an *amazing* amount of energy, but I certainly had more than I have had any reason to expect, especially on the peak day of the worst heat wave of the summer. I actually STOOD UP while folding laundry. I think it's been a year or more since I was able to do that. I always fold sitting down (which, as anyone knows, just doesn't work that well for things like sheets, table cloths, and blue jeans).

Benjamin actually CLEANED the KITCHEN. Okay, not all of it. He cleaned the dairy side, even washed the counters, and then SWEPT the FLOOR! I must've thanked him a dozen times, I know he was getting a little sick of it and I was sounding like a broken record. It's been so long since the kitchen was actually CLEAN, even a little bit, it just blows me away. And he didn't stop there. Throughout the day as dishes accumulated he washed them, and did other little cleaning/straightening things. It was beautiful to behold. I want to adopt him and keep him for always! :-)

Simcha and I finished reading the Hebrew children's book we started. Finished, but there were a couple of places we just had to accept that we understood what was intended, because we just could not figure out the words. Frustrating, that. Simcha was flagging at the end, and I was willing to stop, but when we were one page from the end I pushed her a little bit to finish it and it was worth it. She liked the ending and her face lighted up at being able to understand the entire last page.

I found an Aleph-Bet book for Ben, so he can start learning his letters. It makes a huge difference when you start ulpan if you can already recognize, read and write the letters. He's picked up a handful of Hebrew phrases as well. I get depressed if I think about the fact that in six months he will be able to speak and understand Hebrew much better than I can. But, that seems to be life.

David, of David and Alina, a couple who moved here just after we did, asked if I wanted to study Hebrew with Alina, and I said I would be thrilled. The only problem is that Alina really doesn't like me. I don't know what it is I did or said, or if it was something Shoshanna B. said about me, but the attitude seems to be that I am somehow slightly distasteful. They are perfectly willing to borrow movies from us, cadge rides, and so on, but spend time with me or allow us to be near the kids, not bloody likely. So, I seriously doubt I'm going to see Alina coming up the walk any time soon to practice her Hebrew with me. It's a good thing I have kids to learn with.

You know, it gets to me sometimes. I have fantasies of telling them to just bugger off (although in my fantasies it's rather more coarse and thorough), but the truth it I doubt I ever would. Do I have sucker written all over me or what? It's not as if I could be any *less* liked and accepted around here if I didn't go out of my way to help the people who don't like me but don't let that stand in the way of me being useful to them. Me or the things that I have, like the company car, or the videos.

This comes up because we stopped by a particular health store which is by Shoshanna B.'s bookstore. The health store was closed, but John ran into David leaving the bookstore, and we ended up giving him and his bicycle a ride home, in addition to lending them our dvd set of the first two seasons of Scooby-Doo, the original television program. I would have chosen not to lend it to them, but apparently John has already offered when they got to the car. The dvd set is something much watched and loved by Eliyahu, and they already have a video they borrowed from us and have not returned (The Frisco Kid - not easily replaceable if lost). So, 'nuf said about that.

I just don't see any reason to go out of our way to be nice to people who despise us, even if I can't bring myself to say no if they are asking for help. They are two different things.

Well, I've wandered a bit. I got two cd's burned that I said I would for Adam and Darryl (Maxine's son and boyfriend), got a bunch of important files, and some not so important, backed up so I'm that much closer to being able to repair the hard-drive. If I ever get a copy of the system disk, that is. I watch the end of Kindergarten Cop, watched The Whole Ten Yards, read a bunch of the Bilbao Looking Glass. I did more today than I can remember on any given day in a long time.

John has started making me these carrot juice drinks in the evening. They are wonderful, and I think they have as much or more to do with my increased energy as the iron pills.

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment. Theoretically my last (but then, the last few have all theoretically been the 'last' so I have my doubts). Neil does also, but John is done until next month.

I think I should probably arrange for a cleaning, but that's no big deal. It will be good to have a fully functioning mouth again. For at least a little while.

John is having all these doubts now about getting a job in the states. I agree with him, and can see it. The main reason for him trying to get a job in the U.S. was so that he could see Jessica and the grandkids. So if it doesn't come off, it's not like we will be hurting financially or anything like that. So if he decides it's just more than he can handle, I guess it's off for now, and we will just have to muddle through as we are here. I'm fine with that, really. Other than getting Zechy back for the G.E.D., I have no real reason to race back to the states - now that I've gotten to visit Jessica and the babies. It's not that I wouldn't like to see them, I just don't feel it as an aching need any more.

Simcha's best friend in Israel, Michal, has a birthday party coming up on Monday. Simcha really wants to go, and I have to try and figure out what we can do to try and make that possible. Simcha is actually willing to take the bus by herself down to Jerusalem if someone can pick her up there, but I am just not comfortable with that. To take the bus to Ma'ale Levona, a small yeshuv where I know she would be met at the bus stop, would be a completely other thing. Jerusalem's central bus station is not for an eleven-year-old girl alone, especially when she looks quite a bit older than that.

Hans is just hanging fire. I wanted to phone Shana, and see if her husband could use a little help so Hans could have a job or something while he's waiting on the army. I worry about it, but for the moment I have to accept that I can only do what I can do, and let Hashem take care of the rest. I still can't function at the minimal level of an adult human (dressing, bathing, feeding myself) so I hope I can cut myself some slack. Guilt is so cunning and pervasive.

I guess that's about it. I'm tired. It's one am. Positively early. I am hoping to get to sleep early enough that if I wake up at 10am I won't be being shorted on sleep. Yeah, right. ;-) Be well, all, and Gd bless.

I'm listening to Solvent: Wish

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06