I'm grateful for: a long nap; finding a place a bit closer to my centre; fun shopping.

I guess I want to try and write this down - but I don't really. All I want is for it to go away, or, failing that, not to have to deal with it. But anyway, as near as I can reconstruct everything that happened:

Valerie and Chris, Jessica's adoptive mom & dad, phoned DYFS (as they call it in NJ) to make an accusation of child abuse and neglect, claiming that Jessica (and Ben and Chris - different Chris) weren't feeding the kids properly, that the house was unsanitary, a health hazard, and so on and so forth.

Coincidentally (as far as I know) Abby managed to get a spiral fracture in her right leg climbing out of her high chair.

The dr. at the emergency room stated it as his opinion that a spiral fracture is de facto evidence of abuse, because it couldn't have happened naturally.

At 1a.m. Thursday evening (last week) some DYFS social worker showed up at Jessica's door and demanded the kids. She told Jessica that if she did not give the kids up voluntarily that the social worker would go to court and have them put in foster care rather than with Jessica's mom & dad. (Thus breaking the laws in New Jersey with more than a spiral fracture, but Jessica didn't know enough to know that, then).

Jessica signed a paper the social worker gave her, which she (Jessica) thought was her signing her voluntary surrendering of the kids. Kids were taken off (at whatever hour of the night it was) to Valerie and Chris's house.

Valerie apparently claimed that because of a bad back she couldn't take care of the children by herself, so DYFS told Jessica, Ben and Chris that they were responsible for someone being at Valerie's house every day to 'help' taking care of their own kids.

Many trans-Atlantic phone calls later (I phoned Jessica, Havva, Zechy, Diana, Jessica, Havva, Zechy, ...) Jessica FINALLY contacted a lawyer, who gave her phone calls, put her in touch with the people who's job it is to protect parents in her situation. Don't ask me what the agency is called, or how they work, I don't know, I don't care, it is not the public defender's office, that I do know.

Jessica starts to find out some of the things the social worker did were at best unsavoury.

I forgot to mention, the day after Abby was injured, Jessica (with Valerie, who already had them at her house) went to an orthopedist (I hope that's right, dr. who does bones), who gave it as his professional opinion first, that spiral fractures of the type Abby had happen all the time with toddlers of her age, second, it was NOT an indication of abuse and third, that in his opinion there was no evidence of anything wrong (besides the fracture) that could justify an accusation of abuse.

While Jessica was going about making contact with a lawyer, Valerie took Abby to a pediatrician (not Abby's regular dr.), Jessica went along, and Valerie, right in front of Jessica to the dr. just about outright accused Ben of abusing Abby, causing the fracture, and otherwise being unsafe at any speed.

On the advice of someone at whatever agency it was, Jessica asked for a copy of the piece of paper she had signed the night they took the kids. Turns out it wasn't filed, they hadn't a copy and (btw) in New Jersey the law is that parents cannot voluntarily give the kids up - it has to go by a judge. Period.

Meanwhile, Ben was at Valerie's, 'helping' take care of the kids. Chris ('dad') mentions to Ben that he isn't looking terribly happy. Let's all roll our eyes here, shall we? Ben responds that it's quite natural under the circumstances, having been accused of injuring Abby and being an abusive parent. 'Dad' replies 'now you know how my brother feels.'

'Dad's' brother, you see, molested Jessica when she was a girl. Otherwise referred to as 'perp uncle,' this brother really is the slimiest piece of work I've actually had close personal contact with outside of my own family. But anyway. I have maintained from the first that this is Valerie' and Chris' (mom and dad)'s way of getting revenge on Jessica for talking about being abused, persisting on believing it really happened, telling other people it happened - you know, telling the uncomfortable truth that mom & dad don't happen to want to acknowledge, even at Jessica's expense.

I commend Ben, 'dad' remains not only alive but uninjured. I can't imagine the self-control it must have taken.

Meanwhile, social worker (and her supervisor) are back-pedalling mightily, discovering that Jessica is not the typical, helpless DYFS victim, but a woman with a brain who is not entirely unwilling to use it. They've been caught with their hand in the cookie jar, there is nothing about the way they have proceeded that is legal or justifiable, and they know it.

They arrange to meet with Jessica, Ben and Chris at their home, for the first time in this entire debacle talking to them politely or even with basic decency (I can't spell that, you know what I mean, I hope). They start out by promising the sun, moon and stars. Oh, and saying that everything they did was for the best because they were trying to protect the children (unless there is a clear threat, how is removing children in the wee-small hours of the night from their parent's home in their best interest? It couldn't have waited for daylight?)((btw that is only *my* opinion, there is nothing in NJ law that prohibits snatching the children at any hour of day or night apparently.))

They are very conciliating, offering to have the state buy a toddler bed for Abby (apparent in NJ there is a law regarding the sort of bed a toddler can sleep in), and have someone come in to the house to help clean and make it properly 'sanitary.' Oh, and spy on the family, of course.

The social worker is scared, her supervisor is conciliatory. Jessica is happy with the outcome of the meeting.

Today was the day in court. DYFS failed to get the paperwork filed before the last possible moment. The judge didn't even know they were on the schedule. The public defender's office couldn't get them someone quickly enough, but they did get a lawyer from some lawyer's stable they keep at the courthouse. Don't ask me, I'm only repeating it as I understand it. Jessica is told she has a very good judge.

In the courtroom, Valerie shows her true colours again - fortunately this time Jessica is not blind-sided. The orthopedist who gave his opinion that there were no indications of abuse didn't get his report to the judge in time for today's hearing. The judge's decision is for the kids to stay with Valerie and Chris for a month while DYFS completes their investigation. The judge seems to be of the opinion that that is more than sufficient and will take it badly if it takes longer.

Barring some kind of insane inversion of reality, at the end of the month Jessica should have her kids back - but these social service agencies are so very good at inversions of reality I don't dare to be very hopeful. Then it's a question of hanging on, being very, very careful, until they can get the hell out of state. And away not only from DYFS, but from mom&dad.

Chris, (father of kids, not 'dad') said yesterday or today (I wasn't there, only heard it repeated) if they didn't want to act like family, then why did they adopt children?

I couldn't have put it better myself.

I'd like to write more, but my fingers are just about gone. It's been a good day despite continuing gut problems, all night last night and so far tonight spent running to the bathroom, lack of sleep, heat and of course the family's latest drama.

We went shopping and spent WAY too much money. Bought clothes, a new phone, blank dvd's, oh, and of course food. I did get a long nap between ten and two. Not the whole four hours but still.

I want to try and get to sleep, it's still a few minutes shy of 3am.

***

Added later. I wanted to mention that I've been there, and while the house is reasonably untidy, it's no worst than plenty of other homes with small children I have seen. While Jessica doesn't rear the children they way I did, or the way I might like her to, she is not neglecting them. They eat enough, have decent beds to sleep in (Zack sleeps in a crib), are bathed, get outside to play in most weather, have plenty of toys and things, and, well, everything's fine.

Despite what I saw while I was visiting, I would keep an open mind to the idea that everything was not so rosy when I *wasn't* visiting if everyone else hasn't said exactly the same thing. Havva, Hans, Zechy, Abby's speech therapist, Ben's parents, Chris' parents, Jessica's friends and other family members, and so on. Jessica has been doing massage therapy out of the house so there is also a steady stream of non-family and friends in the house. I'm on the other side of the Atlantic, but not out of the loop.

I also have about fifteen years dealing with various social service agencies and parents from virtually every point of view. I have no doubt there are excesses they are capable I haven't heard of, but none that would surprize me. They even occasionally manage to do something right, but it is so very rare that one has to believe it is something less than random chance - like Hashem works a miracle to overcome the evil of the system and so many of the people in it.

It's 3:20 and I am still awake. Doesn't one eventually have to run out of things to come out of one? *sigh* Good night.

I'm listening to Jim Jackson: Old Dog Blue

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06