I'm grateful for: an online diary that works for me; getting through the day; good friends, even if I'm not talking to them at the moment.

I don't know what to write, I don't know what I am feeling. I'm kind of out-to-lunch, which is really quite fine with me, only life won't let me be that way, not really.

I've been terribly busy doing nothing. Not totally nothing, I did get our U.S. tax returns done already (am I amazing or what?), and a load of laundry washed. Hmmm, I think that really is about it. I want time and space and quiet and peace. And sleep. Tonight S3 is sleeping in my room, so that means I'm not. It's totally my fault, TH was all set to move him back to his own bed. But S3 has told me that he wants to sleep with me, he doesn't like sleeping alone, and generally it's not that I ignore it, but it must look to him like I ignore it 'cause I just can't cope. So tonight he gets to sleep with me. What do I need sleep for, anyway?

And it's not like I've been sleeping at night when he's not in here. When do you think I got the taxes done? Not during the day with the phones ringing, the children talking, asking questions and watching television, playing games and music, the dogs going berserk, neighbours pounding on the door and so on.

Today was really off because TH had to go in to work today, something he just doesn't do on Tuesdays, at least not recently. He got up early and went to the shuk with D3 - who did most of the shopping, thank goodness. Granted we are no longer shopping for nine, but TH has this idea that he can buy like five oranges and that's enough. For a week. For a family with three children at home, plus neighbour children visiting and grown children showing up to eat us out of house and home. So, apparently TH gave D3 money and she bought the oranges. And pears, and pomegranates and probably other stuff that I can't call to mind at the moment. So that was good.

Then TH took off for work, I don't really know why, just that he had to be there. I slept until after noon, I think, after waking up a couple of times during the morning. Then spent pretty much the entire rest of the day on the bed in the den, with my computer on my lap. I burned a couple of cds for the accountant where TH works, 'cause I've been bugging him for specific numbers all year, up to and including today, which was the only way I could get the taxes done today. Well, that and the fact that Jan. 1 isn't a no-work holiday here.

The kids watched television. Since we now have cable, we have some television to watch. There was some American children's show which was dubbed in Hebrew, actually pretty fun to watch, and then an Israeli kids show. Truth, I like Israeli television for children much better. It's less cloying, less patronizing, and it lacks some of the 'icky' factor which is present in too many English language children's programming. If I had the words or enough of a mind to describe it better than I would, but either you know what I'm talking about or you don't - I haven't got either and I can't be bloody bothered.

Tomorrow in theory TH is driving S2 to T.A. (Tel Aviv) for something to do with the army. I wanted to go along, for a number of reasons, but I can't because the rabbi phoned TH and told him someone from some helping place was going to come over either today, or is coming tomorrow. So I have to be here. With D3 and S3.

That means the goats have to stay locked up in the shed, as we are completely unable to cope if they get out of the yard. We're going to have a fine time keeping up with the dogs, who have been complaining that they aren't getting the time and attention they require already. That's what happens when the teenagers grow up and move out. Of course they don't take their animals with them. *sigh*

I'm sort of in a bad mood, but it's not really a bad mood, I just don't know what else to call it. I'm feeling lonely, but I don't really want to talk to anyone. I guess what I want more than anything is just a couple of days of peace and quiet with nothing very much going on. I don't see that happening any time in the forseeable future. At the very least it would be a help if TH had a set schedule, and that can't happen for probably another month now. *sigh*

Oh, about that person who is theoretically showing up tomorrow to see about me having help -- a neighbour said that there is some organization which will get me an ozeret (helper) and that through that organization I would only need to pay like ten or twenty shekels a day for the help. That's like $3-$5. So TH went and talked to the rabbi about it, and he phoned someone in Netivot, and now this. So I have absolutely no clue. What it's about, if I will or won't get an ozeret, who these people are who are or are not coming tomorrow.

If they come tomorrow they will get quite an eyeful. Me home alone with a 13yo and an 8yo, wearing the same thing I've been wearing for a couple of days now, I haven't managed a shower, my hair is, well, probably the least bad thing I have going right now. I'm trying to avoid too much detail, but, trust me, it's not good. And no chance to do any better with me not sleeping tonight which means I am surely not getting up early enough for TH to help me shower and change before he has to head off to T.A. with S2. *sigh*

So I'm up to my eyeballs, my body has given up entirely, my life just feels crowded, like I'm being crushed by it all. And I'm not getting anywhere near enough sunlight. Sunlight is very important to me. I've never been diagnosed with SAD, but you know? I don't think I need someone with a string of letters after their name to tell me I don't do well when I'm in the dark or artificial light all the time.

Well, that's all for now. I'm just tired of whining.

I'm listening to Madonna: Deserve It. I have no idea why I'm listening to this.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06