I'm grateful for: being more in touch with my body, eating better; getting to watch all of my chickens go to roost; a trip to the chiropracter.

Okay, roughly resuming where I left off some hours ago. At the end of the meeting with the landlord, he assured (re-assured?) us that he wants to sell to us and we should act as if the house is ours. I'd be more reassured if we had a contract, and more reassured still if I knew the money we have for a down-payment is sufficient... *sigh* must keep breathing, praying, and working on trust that is will all turn out as Hashem wishes. Well, I KNOW that it will all turn out as Hashem wishes, I only hope that Hashem wishes for us to have the house, and without TOO much pain involved. I suffered the same angst when buying our first house, in Massachusetts. More acutely, as I'd had less experience in relying on Hashem, and so really fretted up a storm. At least I am better than that now.

After the meeting with the Baal haBayit (landlord), TH drove to get me some meat (McDonald's), and then I drove D2 home to Petakh Tikvah. This is a huge deal, it is a long drive, the body is still pretty worn out from everything else I've been doing. BUT - if I hadn't done it then TH would have had to, and he'd already done too much and was weaving. I am still kind of amazed that I managed it. I'd been meaning to bring S2 along, so he could drive if I had problems, but in the end I didn't. I have a really nice visit with D2 in the car going up, and then a very pleasant drive home alone in the car. I am alone so very rarely.

The tollroad (Israel has only one), has been extended closer to where I live since the last time I drove on it. The new entrance, which will be the one we use permanently I guess, as the road will go further south than where we are, and no closer to us, is really good. I hope they don't change it when they extend the road further south. It is so easy to get on the correct highway, and coming off of it is equally easy coming south. Also, this new section has no tolls, yeaaa!

I actually made it home before midnight. By about fifteen seconds. I really was paws up before I got home, but I managed to get home safely. I managed, somehow, to get in the house, and I slept.

Not enough. *sigh*

Although, honestly I doubt that there is enough sleep right now to catch me up on my sleep debt, since it is comprized at least in some measure of M.S. fatigue. TH made me an appointment to see the chiropracter this afternoon, and I do believe that that was more important than another couple of hours of sleep.

We drove to Be'er Sheva, 'we' being D3, S2, TH and I. We did our grocery shopping. We bought a treat for S3 (a flashlight, he wanted one of his own), and a hamburger for S1 and S3 to share. I went to the chiropracter, who beat up on my back for quite some time. I felt really awful afterwards - in the way of feeling better enough (I suppose) to actually FEEL how awful I was feeling. I am DOING better, which is the important thing.

We drove home, TH made falafel. I fed the chickens. TH was dragged off to a yahrtzeit, command performance (which means there was no way he could not go). I sent my mother an e-card for her 70th birthday, which was today. We (everyone except S3, who was in bed) watched an episode of Waiting For Gd. I fielded many telephone calls (friend with child with hurt foot, D2 with news about a new apartment, I can't remember - oh, and RS from the Detroit airport, on her way to the 70th birthday bash she was throwing for mother). Felt yucky after getting email from mother acknowledging the ecard. Loaded some photos on the computer, and, here I am, mostly up to date.

Our best friends on the moshav have something wonderful happening tomorrow, their son, and his wife and children, are arriving in the morning, making aliyah, moving to Israel to live here. I am almost as excited about it as they are. I can't wait to meet them. Also tomorrow is Entebbe day - we intend to celebrate with a small barbeque. It's too hot and dry for much of one.

And, well, I'm just exhausted. I've been doing so much. For me this is very, very much. I am so much more aware of being disabled when I am doing stuff than when I am lying in bed all day. I don't know why, can't explain it. I'm so tired. It feels so good to be doing the things that I can do - but I am just so much more aware of what I can't do. And so many trade-offs. EVERYONE makes trade-offs, but most people don't have to choose, for instance, between having their hair washed and brushed and being able to leave the house. I know plenty of people who wouldn't willingly think of leaving the house without hair that was washed and brushed. What can I say? They live in such a different world than I do, I'm not sure there are any points in common any more.

Sometimes I say 'I hate the able-bodied', but obviously that's not really accurate. I just don't have the words to express it. Having once been able-bodied I can remember what it was like to look at the world through those particular rose -coloured glasses. Yes, rose-coloured, because that feeling of being in control, of believing I could determine what I would accomplish, was based on a completely false premise. I was no more in control then than I am now. THEN, my higher power, or Gd, circumstance, fate, or blind chance hadn't decided that the answer was 'no.' Yet.

I have a much better idea of what it means to be human, and what human beings are capable of - much more than they think in many situations, and far less than they claim credit for.

I have no idea why I am going on like this, so I'm going to stop. It's probably just the tired speaking (typing) anyway.

I had several good news rants, but fortunately for us all I'm too tired to remember them really. Lessee, the 'cease-fire' lasted longer than the last one -- which lasted all of six hours. Yesterday some nutter went berserk with a bulldozer, killing and injuring many people, overturning two busses, and I hear the BBC's first headline was that the man (a 'Palestinian') was killed. Today I had to go to Al-Jazeera and a South African newspaper to get any details on the latest riots in China. None of the regular news outlets covered it at all. Oy, except lessee, was it the WSJ, or NYT or, I can't remember. No, I remember it wasn't covered in the NYT at all. Well, someone just like that who apparently spouted the Chinese governments line word-for-word exactly. I figure it says something (I don't know what) when I have to go to an extremely biased arab news outlet, and South Africa to get international news of some note. It's a good one, btw, thousands of people rioting, over a hundred injured and most of the injured were police. if I gathered it correctly after doing some searches for more info.

Zeh lo chashuv (that's not important) not really. I mean it IS important, and certainly it is terribly important to people involved. I mean for my diary it is not that important. I'm too tired to get wound up. The news services are just bad. One person (possibly) dead in the riots in China, three dead in J'lem yesterday -- I digress because I was moved to tears and I need to write it. When the guy in the bulldozer was attacking people (in cars and busses on the road), a mother succeeded in getting her baby out of the car seat and passed out of the window before the bulldozer crushed her in the car. Obviously the mother could've gotten out, but saved her baby instead, but that wasn't what actually moved me to tears. It was reading that the man she handed the baby to was at the hospital waiting (for the baby). I don't know what will come of it, the baby has other family and that may well be the end of it, but, I'm probably not explaining it well, having been handed the baby he clearly felt responsible for him, and stayed with him, and doubtless he'd had other plans that day before a baby was put into his arms. And it just makes me feel good all over, in a sad kind of way.

Enough! I'm tired of myself.

I'm going to try to post some photos, in another entry as this one is now long enough by far. Hashem save me from feeling sorry for myself. I hurt like hell, and life is hard, but I am one extremely lucky person and my life has been blessed. Must remember that. *sigh*

I'm listening to my fan.

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06