I'm grateful for: my silly black doggies sleeping with me; my heater working again (it was COLD in here today); good books, good friends, good kids; and a conscious connection with Hashem.

Today was more and less exciting than I care for. Nothing much happened here, and I sat in front of the computer and somehow still didn't manage to get all my work done (mostly tracking finances). Didn't do any laundry either - thank goodness my 15yo D3 kept it moving a bit. We have enough people in the household that the laundry is literally never done. The only day we don't do any laundry is shabbos, and we tend to cram both before and afterward - and it is still crawling out of the basket and across the mirpesset (deck) a lot of the time.

On the other hand there were some exciting phone calls. One concerns S2 - the office for soldiers (or some such, I don't know their exact title, and that's a close enough general translation) told TH that we should be getting an answer 'soon,' and that they expected we would be 'happy' with the answer. We are guardedly hoping this means that he will be transferred to another gdud or plugah. I really have no idea what that is - platoon and company? - but if he is away from the two bad officers he has now I'll be happy. I am perfectly aware that there are other bad officers in the army, but in a new unit at least he won't have any history with them, and will have the opportunity to start fresh with all that he has learned over the past year in the army. Fingers crossed and praying like mad, this has been a hellish year for all of us.

The other thing was that there was a suicide bomber in my son's area. Barukh Hashem (thank goodness) the bomber didn't 'blow up.' According to the news fwiw there are between 50-90 attempted terrorist attacks a month so this isn't so unusual but it's the first time for my son.

I've been having trouble sleeping and am in pretty bad pain. Sometimes I've been wallowing in self-hatred and then I give myself a bit of a break and pay attention and notice that I'm in horrible pain - and once I allow myself to feel the pain, the self-hatred magickly melts away. In other words...

So far I'm still in pain and still hating myself, but since the two things do tend to go together I'm trying to give myself a whole lot of a break and just not push too hard.

It's amazing how hard it can be to just let be and not push myself, nor fret about not pushing myself. I don't know if it's bad socialization (heaven forbid anyone should ever take it easy - especially if simply *everything* hasn't been done perfectly), or just human. Not enough experience with enough different humans to hazard a guess.

Anyway, me and my pain are going to try lying down I guess. I've a bit of a silly book to finish (So You Want To Be A Wizard by Diane Duane - it's S3's), and maybe then I can fall asleep. I haven't a lot of hope, but it would be nice.

I'm listening to Frank Zappa: Soup N Old Clothes

:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::

~~~Last Five Entries~~~
Hi and goodbye - 2010-10-15
I'll be moving on - 2010-10-10
Gold membership and stuff - 2010-10-10
Decisions, decisions - 2010-10-07
Days to go - 2010-10-06