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Honey is Sweet Peace, or if not that, then quiet - 2010-08-28 I'm grateful for: candles in my room; chocolate fudge brownie ice cream; just a little bit of peace tonight. I want to write more. I don't mean I want to write more diary entries, or more often, or anything like that. I want to write more. It seems kind of stupid to say (write), since a big reason I don't write more is because I rarely have anything to say. That does seem to be something important to be missing. Since I haven't got what to say, it would be nice if I could bang out some really stupid romance or thriller or crime novel. Something. It's really hot here. No one, including me, wants to read about how hot it is here. It is not news. It's not particularly hotter than it was yesterday or last year. It's the desert fer crying out loud. Nobody here talks about the heat. It's like talking about oxygen. Yeah, it's there, and there's not a whole lot to say about it that's interesting. At least, not in the normal way of talking. I am hoping (the eternal optimist) that when RS finally leaves that I will be able to write more. I'm hoping that when she leaves I, and the whole family here, will be able to do *everything* more. Sleep, rest, have fun, walk, drive... It's not that things are any worse than they were with her last week, but she's leaving in a month, and if she weren't one of us would have to kill her. As it is, we have to somehow survive the next month. A challenge is the nicest way I can put it. Today was had a birthday party for S2. He's 20. Good heavens. Just before the party RS managed to get me so angry I wasn't sure I could sit in the same room with her. I didn't know then, but she must've really set S2 off as well, because when I said I wanted to disembowel her (to S2) he said that might well be the best birthday gift he could get. A little hostility? We took turns saying things about her and her driving us crazy today, mostly in my room with the door closed. She is in the salon now, because she is not going to her room to sleep. Far too many nights she sits up in the salon all night. It's like there is no time or space free from her. The only one who is not openly looking forward to her leaving is S3, and I suspect he will also breathe a sigh of relief when she goes, if only because the rest of us will be so much less uptight. Now that's a word you don't hear or read so much any more. It's better than a host of other words I'd come up with though. I am looking forward to not writing about RS any more, as well. Too much is enough. I'm not sure if it's the worse part, but one of the very bad parts of this is that she is completely bloody oblivious. She has no idea, at least not at any level she can admit to, how completely angry everyone in the house is with her. If any one of us tries to talk to her about anything that is driving us crazy, she is full of explanations and excuses and then promptly forgets, or rather assumes because we've talked about it (generally unsatisfyingly for the person not RS), that it's not a problem any more. And, of course, she cries whenever anyone confronts her about anything at all. *sigh* I've nothing against crying per se. But I don't do bathos well. I just want to strangle whoever it is, tell them to get the f**k over it, and move on. I don't, mind you, but that's what I want to do. So other than the business with RS, the birthday party was okay. Not great, but okay. I wish we could have the kind of fun we once had doing family birthdays, but we haven't the money, and we haven't the time. In addition, until RS is gone everyone is short-tempered. What can you do? I want birthdays to be fun, and special. I have to settle for not forgotten, at least at the moment. Actually, for D2's birthday we managed all right. D2 isn't in the army so we had the ability to plan something and the time to do it right. Maybe next year we can figure out a way to do S2's birthday party right, even with the army. Not today's problem. D2 is sleeping in my room again. It really is fun having her here. I wish I were sleeping, too, but for the moment I just won't complain about being able to type even if it's just a diary entry. I can actually hear a little bit between my ears, and it's not just noise. It feels like it's been an awfully long time. Enough. Tomorrow is shabbos, hopefully not too stressful. TH and I are probably going to try to confront RS on the subject of her car. Heaven help us all. Besides that, I'll try for more rest, reading, both in Hebrew and in English, and a chance to start the new week less stressed than I have for a while. Hashem willing. Good night all. I'm listening, as best I can, to what is emerging from the noise between my ears. 1 bleats so far:: Yesterdays : Tomorrows ::
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